That blasted Dunmer! He told me there was a magnificent treasure in this place, but all I found was this broken wand. I feel a tingle when I touch it, but what use is that when I'm facing down a Falmer? Nothing short of poetry...
Gods! This thing is heavy, too! It swings like a sword ten times its size! What in Oblivion happened to this wand?
Even if I swatted at the air, I imagine my enemies would hit me first. It could scarcely be used to scrap [sic] dung off a wall! Maybe it was useful at some point, but by Mehrunes Dagon's ass hairs, it has not aged well.
Though somehow I doubt it ever worked properly.
I want to get out of this cave, but the Falmer keep coming...
The journal implies that the dead bandit found with the Wand of Gamelon found the artifact and attempted to defend himself with it after being ambushed by Falmer.
Background and Inspiration Edit
The journal was included to provide context for the Wand of Gamelon and to enrich the item's humorous nature.
Please note that the linked review contains foul language.
Much of the journal paraphrase lines in the review, as well as the reviews of Link: The Faces of Evil, Zelda's Adventure, and Hotel Mario, also for the CD-i. Specifically, the quotes "Even if I swatted at the air, I imagine my enemies would hit me first," "I want to get out of this cave, but the Falmer keep coming," are based on lines from the Wand of Gamelon review, while "Nothing short of poetry" comes from the Faces of Evil review. The line "What in Oblivion happened to this wand?" is based on a line from the Zelda's Adventure review.